Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
