What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize