Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
