You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
