I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
