why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
