Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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