then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
