It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
