The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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