i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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