I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
