i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Randomize
