you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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