I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
