so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
