i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
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