the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
