last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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