I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
im about as happy as oj after his trial
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Randomize
