I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
