just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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