well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
