so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
