Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
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