Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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