I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
