I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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