At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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