i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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