you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
