I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
