He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
