Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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