the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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