Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I can't turn off my feet"
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize