..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
