i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
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