i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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