I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
