U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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