Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Randomize
