I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I don't deserve a penis
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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