i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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