yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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