My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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