Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Randomize
