Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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