we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I am never drinking with the goths again.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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