let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Randomize
