You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
