like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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