If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
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