you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
