i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
