I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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