Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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