So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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