i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
