Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
