great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
