@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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