i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
