I only kidnapped one of them. chill
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
