this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I checked into jail on foursquare
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize
