Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Someone signed my nipple.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
