Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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