Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize