True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I look better un-naked...
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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