Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
