Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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