he wants to bone in the snuggie
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
