a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
