her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
he fucked my hip out of place.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize