Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
