yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Life is so much better after having sex.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
