He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
