So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
