The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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