Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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