I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
