TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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